Don’t be a sucker. Just say no to ZAP.

One of the funny things about a fuel crisis is that it leads to a lot of snake-oil sales (“better MPG through Snake Oil brand additive!”). And the funny thing is that even though living in a capitalist society requires some small modicum of common sense when it comes to purchasing goods, there are always some stunningly idiotic propositions that simply won’t die. Thus, the motto “if it’s too good to be true, it surely isn’t” goes unheeded as folks fork over cash without thinking. (Insert parallels to housing crisis here.) But I’m not here to lecture about the economy – do I look like Keynes? What does this have to do with cars?

I’m so glad you asked. But first, let me ask YOU a question: how would you like a car that got the equivalent of 200MPG, didn’t require fossil fuels, protected baby seals from typhus, and has a range of 16,000 nautical miles? If you said “yes!” then have I got a proposition for you! Test drive a ZAP today!

(Quiz: did you actually get excited about a ZAP car? If so, please continue reading the rest of this article and remember that I’m not judging you.)

ZAP is one of the more recent and media-savvy snake-oil purveyors of late. They essentially sell several versions of their Xebra electric vehicle, which comes in a sedan and a truck and (if you like) with a zebra-themed paint job. They pitch this as some sort of messiah of urban transportation, much as the Segway. Much like the Segway’s most iconic image, President George W. Bush falling flat on his face when the batteries died, the Xebra fails to match the hype. Essentially a dangerous, Chinese-built golf cart with 3 wheels, dangerously slow acceleration, a miserable range of 25 miles in optimal conditions, and poor reliability, the Xebra is really a $12,000 Power Wheels car.

In fact, I think ZAP sells more hype than cars. A celebrated expose that Wired did in 2008 exposed ZAP as essentially being an undercapitalized franchise wholesaler. They sell you on vaporware, you plunk down thousands to purchase a dealer franchise! Isn’t that a Ponzi scheme? Well, technically maybe not, but Bernie Madoff would approve. In any event, it’s SHADY with a capital “T” and I wouldn’t be surprised if there was some sort of criminal investigation commencing soon on a variety of fraud charges.

Of course, ZAP is innocent until proven guilty, but look, no one is forcing you to buy their crappy cars. Take that $12,000 and go purchase a lightly used Honda Civic GX, which runs on clean-burning natural gas with almost no emissions whatsoever (it was actually certified as the cleanest burning internal combustion engine in the world for a production car), a range that is approximately 10 times the range of a Xebra, and the reliability of a Honda. And you can send me a thank-you note too.