Auf wiedersehen, beschissen Bangle-Arschen!

(Goodbye, crappy Bangle-butts!) For those of you unfamiliar with Mr. Bangle or his atrocities, know this: in high school, my car-loving friends and I adopted the word “Bangle” to mean, well, the same thing as a four-letter work starting with an “F” commonly used to describe (with “-ed” on the end) the state of the economy. That same meaning of “completely and totally screwed” applies to what Mr. Bangle did to the styling department of BMW.

According to the ever-accurate wikipedia, Chris Bangle (who is American) went to BMW in 1992, apparently after deciding that becoming a Methodist priest was less exciting that making ugly cars. There, he imposed a strange, twisted design philosophy. Before Bangle reached BMW, they were known for their driving dynamics, not their styling. Case in point: the BMW M5 of the late ‘80s. Ugly as sin, but a great driver. Later M5s, notably the 1998-2003 edition, were handsome in an UNDERSTATED way. They did not need to be flashy to convey the point that they were fast, luxurious, and exclusive. Fast forward to 2002, when the 7-series that was styled by Bangle’s team was unleashed on an unsuspecting public. It had a butt that looked like it had grown an unfortunate tumor, and it was shocking and polarizing. No longer was BMW going to eschew gimmicky tack-on elements, they were going to fully embrace them! Bangle said, “let the world have FLAME SURFACING,” and despite the fact that no one knew what the hell he was talking about, suddenly people noticed that their BMWs looks like they had been poorly folded out of cardboard, with clashing lines and edges. This Z4 is a prime example, with strange shapes scalloped into the sides, awkward meetings of panels, and a frumpy tail. All hallmarks of the Bangle style. But in any event, the point of the matter is that Bangle is gone, and despite all of the harm he’s done to BMW and its competitors (like Infiniti and especially Acura, whose cars have been beaten with the ugly stick of late), hopefully BMW will decide a new styling direction would help them sell more cars.

[source: Jalopnik, Reuters]